Vice Presidential Debate

DatzRad: In this corner, weighing in at 162 pounds
DatzRad: the wonky rock, the budgeting bludgeon, the cheesehead with the heart of gold
DatzRad: Congressman Paul Ryan!
P90SexBudget: Thank you, Martha.
DatzRad: And in this corner, weighing in at a hefty 211 pounds
DatzRad:  the General of Gaffe, the Catholic Champ, the Amtrak Armadillo
DatzRad: Vice-President Joe Biden!
Bidenmytime: Thank you, Martha.
DatzRad: Ladies and gentlemen...
DatzRad: you're here to see some policy pounding

DatzRad: and hyperbolic discounting

DatzRad: and these two men are going to kick the crap outta each other!

DatzRad: So without further ado

DatzRad:LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

P90SexBudget: Um, no.
Bidenmytime: Yeah, hell no.

P90SexBudget: We're here to have a serious, but respectful debate about the issues that matter to Americans.

Bidenmytime: I agree with Mr. Ryan. The great problems facing America today demand that we conduct ourselves civilly, if energetically, in defense of our respective visions of America.

P90SexBudget: Though we fundamentally disagree on certain points, have no doubt - each of us loves America, and, I, for one, recognize Vice President Biden's personal courage and character, and commend him for his service to this nation.
Bidenmytime: I couldn't agree more. Whatever differences we have politically, I refuse to attack personally a man who has done his best to represent his constituents and articulate a vision for America's fiscal salvation.

TheHopeinator: BOR-ING
MormoneyMitt: I agree. Do we have to watch this crap?
MormoneyMitt: And why are we watching this together?

TheHopeinator: I told you, Michelle's having hen's night book club in at the house

TheHopeinator: They're discussing Fifty Shades of Gray

MormoneyMitt: Ew.
TheHopeinator: exactly

TheHopeinator: Actually, this debate might be a problem.

MormoneyMitt: Whaddya mean, BO?

TheHopeinator: Don't call me that, Jesus-pants.
MormoneyMitt: Hey! They're for my religion.
TheHopeinator: Whatever. Sorry. Truce?

MormoneyMitt: Pinkie truce, or it doesn't count.
TheHopeinator: Fine.

TheHopeinator: Anyway, the problem is that if they look too, you know, presidential

TheHopeinator: then people are going to wonder why the hell we're at the top of the ticket

MormoneyMitt: Oh... like why do we need the Black Panther not-born-here socialist without a sense of humor

TheHopeinator: or why do we need the stuck-up, flip-flopping, Wall Street fat cat without a sense of humor

MormoneyMitt: Ouch. Ok. So what do we do?

TheHopeinator: Easy. You keep highlighting Biden for his gaffes, and use them in your own attack ads.

MormoneyMitt: And you keep highlighting Ryan's anti-old people stance on Medicare.

TheHopeinator: Exactly.

MormoneyMitt: Wouldn't it make more sense to actually run against your record, and not personalities?

TheHopeinator: Well Mitt

TheHopeinator: As you are somewhat personality challenged, you might want to rethink that

MormoneyMitt: Good point

MormoneyMitt: you pompous self-righteous Ivy Tower  dick

TheHopeinator: Hey! Watch it!

MormoneyMitt: Uh, I thought you couldn't read it if I did it slanty

MormoneyMitt: McCain told me that slanty text was supposed to be subtext

TheHopeinator: It's supposed to be sarcasm.

TheHopeinator: Wait... you're getting INTERNET ADVICE from John McCain?

TheHopeinator: America is so fucked if you get elected.