Vice Presidential Debate

DatzRad: In this corner, weighing in at 162 pounds
DatzRad: the wonky rock, the budgeting bludgeon, the cheesehead with the heart of gold
DatzRad: Congressman Paul Ryan!
P90SexBudget: Thank you, Martha.
DatzRad: And in this corner, weighing in at a hefty 211 pounds
DatzRad:  the General of Gaffe, the Catholic Champ, the Amtrak Armadillo
DatzRad: Vice-President Joe Biden!
Bidenmytime: Thank you, Martha.
DatzRad: Ladies and gentlemen...
DatzRad: you're here to see some policy pounding

DatzRad: and hyperbolic discounting

DatzRad: and these two men are going to kick the crap outta each other!

DatzRad: So without further ado

DatzRad:LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

P90SexBudget: Um, no.
Bidenmytime: Yeah, hell no.

P90SexBudget: We're here to have a serious, but respectful debate about the issues that matter to Americans.

Bidenmytime: I agree with Mr. Ryan. The great problems facing America today demand that we conduct ourselves civilly, if energetically, in defense of our respective visions of America.

P90SexBudget: Though we fundamentally disagree on certain points, have no doubt - each of us loves America, and, I, for one, recognize Vice President Biden's personal courage and character, and commend him for his service to this nation.
Bidenmytime: I couldn't agree more. Whatever differences we have politically, I refuse to attack personally a man who has done his best to represent his constituents and articulate a vision for America's fiscal salvation.

TheHopeinator: BOR-ING
MormoneyMitt: I agree. Do we have to watch this crap?
MormoneyMitt: And why are we watching this together?

TheHopeinator: I told you, Michelle's having hen's night book club in at the house

TheHopeinator: They're discussing Fifty Shades of Gray

MormoneyMitt: Ew.
TheHopeinator: exactly

TheHopeinator: Actually, this debate might be a problem.

MormoneyMitt: Whaddya mean, BO?

TheHopeinator: Don't call me that, Jesus-pants.
MormoneyMitt: Hey! They're for my religion.
TheHopeinator: Whatever. Sorry. Truce?

MormoneyMitt: Pinkie truce, or it doesn't count.
TheHopeinator: Fine.

TheHopeinator: Anyway, the problem is that if they look too, you know, presidential

TheHopeinator: then people are going to wonder why the hell we're at the top of the ticket

MormoneyMitt: Oh... like why do we need the Black Panther not-born-here socialist without a sense of humor

TheHopeinator: or why do we need the stuck-up, flip-flopping, Wall Street fat cat without a sense of humor

MormoneyMitt: Ouch. Ok. So what do we do?

TheHopeinator: Easy. You keep highlighting Biden for his gaffes, and use them in your own attack ads.

MormoneyMitt: And you keep highlighting Ryan's anti-old people stance on Medicare.

TheHopeinator: Exactly.

MormoneyMitt: Wouldn't it make more sense to actually run against your record, and not personalities?

TheHopeinator: Well Mitt

TheHopeinator: As you are somewhat personality challenged, you might want to rethink that

MormoneyMitt: Good point

MormoneyMitt: you pompous self-righteous Ivy Tower  dick

TheHopeinator: Hey! Watch it!

MormoneyMitt: Uh, I thought you couldn't read it if I did it slanty

MormoneyMitt: McCain told me that slanty text was supposed to be subtext

TheHopeinator: It's supposed to be sarcasm.

TheHopeinator: Wait... you're getting INTERNET ADVICE from John McCain?

TheHopeinator: America is so fucked if you get elected.

Club 700 Town Hall Meeting

(reference guide to screen names)


KingofClub700: This is Pat Robertson, welcoming all of you to the first-ever online 700 Club town hall meeting.
KingofClub700: Today we are going to speak with both current and former presidential candidates and discuss their plans to take America in a conservative direction.
KingofClub700: Our first speaker is former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum, who won the d6 toss backstage.
DickLaw86: Thank you, Pat.
IfAtFirstYouDontSecede: *giggles*
DickLaw86: Um, is something wrong, former candidate Perry?
IfAtFirstYouDontSecede: well, I don't know about your big city ways
IfAtFirstYouDontSecede: but down here in the South, that screen name'll probably get you into a fight
MormoneyMitt: tee hee
DickLaw86: moron
KingofClub700: Gentlemen, please. We are here to discuss your plans to defeat Mr. Barack Hussein Obama.
TheHappyNewt: As my distinguished colleagues are unwilling to elevate the debate, permit me to discuss my thirty-seven point document for making America a world power again.
TheHappyNewt: I call it Reaching Out to America: 2012.
IfAtFirstYouDontSecede: I think "reaching out" is how you got wife #3.
MormoneyMitt: *high fives*
KingofClub700: Gentlemen!
PizzaThatAss: Hey - I've never been divorced!
IfAtFirstYouDontSecede: Damnit Herman, I'm not talking about you! Go away!
DickLaw86: Hey! It's my turn!
IfAtFirstYouDontSecede: Calm down, McLovin.
IfAtFirstYouDontSecede: 

MormoneyMitt: headshot!
MormoneyMitt: (that was a double entendre - I'm so clever!)
IfAtFirstYouDontSecede has been blocked by KingofClub700.
KingofClub700: Governor Perry has been banned from this chatroom. My apologies to you all.
MormoneyMitt: Let me be the first to denounce Rick Perry's behavior.
TheHappyNewt: W
TheHappyNewt: T
TheHappyNewt: F
TheHappyNewt: you were cheering him on, you robotic retard
TheHappyNewt: you are the whiniest, most spineless cretin that
TheHappyNewt has been blocked by YouBetchaAK47.
KingofClub700: Thank you, Mrs. Palin.
TheBachMobileMN: Do you know what I think?
TheBachmobileMN has been blocked by YouBetchaAK47.
KingofClub700: ooohkaaaay
MormoneyMitt: I am happy to be here among my conservative brethren.
MormoneyMitt: I mean, not brethren as in Quaker.
MormoneyMitt: Of course not.
MormoneyMitt: They're not mainstream Christian.
MormoneyMitt: ha ha
MormoneyMitt: moving on
DickLaw86: It's my turn!
GoldAynBoi signed on.
GoldAynBoi Ron Paul here.
GoldAynBoi For some reason I didn't get the invitation.
GoldAynBoi But I found out and managed to log in with the help of my digerati acolytes
GoldAynBoi Anyway
GoldAynBoi has been blocked by KingofClub700.
PizzaThatAss: I should still be in the race.
PizzaThatAss: I did not have sex with that woman
PizzaThatAss: or that woman
PizzaThatAss: or the other one
PizzaThatAss: or that one
PizzaThatAss: though I tried really hard on the third one
PizzaThatAss has been blocked by KingofClub700.
MormoneyMitt: I strongly oppose the exemption of contraceptives.
MormoneyMitt: oh wait
MormoneyMitt: I mean I support contraceptives
MormoneyMitt: argh
MormoneyMitt: stupid Mitt! stupid Mitt!
MormoneyMitt: wait!
MormoneyMitt has been blocked by KingofClub700.
KingofClub700: sigh... who's left?
DickLaw86: Me!
KingofClub700: jesus fucking christ
KingofClub700 has been blocked by God.

Boehner, McConnell, and Romney discuss the RonaldReaganBot threat